This Elf Just Won’t Leave

Hi.

WARNING!!!! ADULT CONTENT– NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN!!!

If you know this guy, you know about the legend that goes around about the Christmas Elf. I take Christmas and magic pretty seriously, but this Elf, I did not have time for. And the only reason I have one in the first place is because someone in my son’s second grade class told everyone that the Elf has been visiting his house — because he’s been such a good little boy. This was before Halloween. So my son, efl-less, would wake up broken hearted every morning because no Elf thought him suitable enough for a visit. We even got a note from the teacher that said this:

Your child is probably talking about the Elf… We all know how important magic is to children, so, we are sorry for any inconvenience this has caused you. TRANSLATION: Sorry they’re all sold out now, and good luck explaining to your child why he is not being blessed by the magic of Christmas.

So, I bundled up my two two toddlers, and took them out in the bitter cold to find an Elf. Every store I went to said they were sold out. Apparently, the story spread like wildfire through my son’s school, and all Mothers were quickly grabbing them up. Finally, a Mother from the class took pity on me, and dropped off the extra one she had hiding in her closet. (We need extra Elves?)

So, he arrived late. Despite my reluctance to host the Elf, I did become very good at playing along. I hid him around the house in various activities, and made sure to have him waiting in some funny position for my son when he woke in the morning. And my son was mesmerized by the Elf. He loved him. And, surprisingly, the other boys knew this was the second grader’s Elf. No one demanded their own, and they pretty much left the Elf alone.

However, I forgot to put the Elf away. It was way past Christmas, past the Ephiany, and we still had the Elf prancing around our house, turning on the CD player and dancing, swinging from the ceiling fan, playing the game “Clue.” (I am clever, aren’t I?) By the way, I could find no web site to point you to explain the mysterious legend of this Elf. I was just winging it — based on stuff my son told me from school. But apparently, there is a book (not listed on Amazon), and a huge following of believers around my neighborhood. But I could not discuss this issue with them, as my children are pretty much always present.

Finally, I remembered to put it away. But where? The Christmas decorations were already stacked away in the garage attic. So, I hid it under my mattress. (He’s plush.) And sure enough, I forgot about him.

And, you guessed it. He was spotted. My 5 year old was in my bedroom when I decided to flip the mattress. And there he was. All in his Green and Red Glory, the little tuft of blond hair, un-mussed by his hibernation under my mattress — and it is will-past Easter. My 5-year-old ran out of the room calling to his brother “Your Elf!!! He’s back!! He’s really here!!!!”

They’re running back into my room — and I’m still looking for a place to hide the Elf. So I did the only thing a Mom could do, when she’s out numbered by her 4 boys. I stuffed it down the back of my pants and didn’t turn my back on them.