I don’t know why, I just felt that it had been awhile since I talked to him last. Purely as a whim, with nothing in particular to say, or find out, I simply picked up my phone and dialed him, at his office, in Detroit.
This photo, ironically, was taken by my son — not the one in college — the sophomore. The one who really is Batman. He had his photography-class-issued-DSLR in the car on the way to school, and we saw this magnificent display, which he snapped with his camera. Took me forever and a day to get the negatives from him so that I could convert them to a digital image to share with you here…
What I heard in the phone, set me back. In his voice, was a perceptible relief. As if somewhere, in the back of his mind, he had been waiting on my call, and was relieved to finally hear my voice again. Like a relief of cold air after a blistering heat wave. It was noticeable… but then, he quickly moved the conversation toward more earthy elements, like the snow, the miles of snow on the ground, in Detroit.
He was glad — no not glad — relieved to hear from me.
We quickly jumped the conversation around to updates about the boys, more weather, and I remembered a few of the things that we disagreed on, and just decided to let them rest for now.
So, those things we wrangled over really don’t change that core of who I am as his daughter? Of course not, this I knew. But I heard it. I heard it. I heard the invisible cords that connect father to daughter, mother to son — those relationship ties that bond people together; that blood is thicker than water. I heard it.
Of course, he’s told me. I’ve read about it. I’ve had knowledge that I am loved unconditionally. I know it with my own kids — but this time, I heard it, and I know it in a whole new way.
I’ll tell you one thing, after hearing that Joy in his voice, I won’t wait that long again to let him hear my voice again. Even though it was just New Year’s Day, when I talked to him last.
I can’t wait for the boys’ turn to become aware of that subtle undercurrent that has been there all along, to come face-to-face with the truth that, “I matter so much to mom.” It will change the way they see everything.
So beautiful. I remember a time when I was in my 20s and Dad tried to convince me to do something (go to Uni?…can’t remember) for my own good, and I rejected his advice. As he became more agitated I said to him “Dad, I don’t understand why you’re so worried about this. I don’t care if I don’t get a degree…why does it matter so much to you? It’s my life.” (As you say when you’re 21 and self centred). And then he burst into tears and said, as he rushed off to the gents, “Because you’re my kid! You’re my KID.” And I felt, with shock, the depth of his love for me and his need for me to be ok. In the best way he knew how. A lot of growing up in that moment. So glad you connected with your dad, no matter what you do and don’t agree on…..