Important Stuff I’ve Learned About School

Now that the kids are back in school, I’m back in school. Long gone are those mindless afternoons sitting by the lake followed by the 9:30 requests to take pictures of the frogs caught in the fading sunlight. Now, at 9:30 p.m., I am instead asked,  “Japan wants to move the U.S. military base out of the country; how does that parallel the situation between the early American settlers and the Native American Indians?” This is followed by, “I only have 3 sentences, and I need 5.”

But with kids in four different grades, I’m learning other things about school too –” importan” things.


  • At the new hand washing fountain, there are sensors that allow kids to wash their hands without touching the faucets and spreading germs. However, if you put your finger over the little holes where the water comes out, you can spray the person standing next to you… right in the face.
  • The school cafeteria pancakes are awful.
  • The construction workers carry glass, safely, by using giant toilet plungers. (We’re under construction — see below.)


  • In the boy’s bathroom, there is a boy who has a magic potion that makes your finger grow. Before we leave, we put our fingers into a different potion that makes it shrink again.
  • When the teacher steps out of the room to go to the office, you can walk around her desk three times before she comes back.
  • “Let Mom get her DNA on your paper, because then you’ll be a great writer.  Here Mom, just lick it.”

And finally, I learned this:

“I told my teacher, ‘I like you.'”

What did she say?

“She asked for a hug.”


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