I wish I had my act together. The trouble is, there is this underlying current of chaos running underneath everything I try to accomplish. As I stood with another Mom of four boys during the games, she sighed and said, “if only it wasn’t such an awful mess when they eat.” I stopped her and said, “No, don’t tell me it’s STILL messy when they eat.” Her youngest is now 9.
I was hoping to hear hints of a soon-to-be-in-my future reprieve from my need to pull out a snow shovel after every meal. But then she looked down at my little one, and said, “That age was a hard phase. They are so hard on everything — and if you can get through that…”
Get through that. Yes, I thought with relief. If I can get through that. But my skin tingles a bit whenever I catch myself saying “get through this.” It reminds me of a passage I read in Penelope Leach’s book, The The First Six Months. A book that got me through my first few years of motherhood — a book I read over and over again, even after my kids were no longer 6 months old. I can’t quote it exactly, but it was something like this: instead of getting through it, why can’t we accept this phase, and celebrate this, because this is, after all, a part of our lives and theirs. And this is what it’s like to have a child — it’s not different from this.
Embrace. I just wish I could start my plan of working for just those 15 minutes. It hasn’t happened yet — I’m still putting out fires. And it’s just so nice to have everything clean; and that’s really what I spend my day doing. Making things clean, because a bomb is always going off in my house somewhere. I worry late at night if my love is really getting through. I spend so much time moving everyone along, to one clothes change, laundry, meal, and meal clean up and homework to the next. And my second oldest REALLY wants a bunny. I think he NEEDS a bunny. But I just cannot manage one more little heartbeat in this house.
So, yesterday after church, my other son tells me, “Mom they asked us to write you a card. I didn’t know what to say. So, I just wrote this:
More Best Shot Monday, here: