Funny google searches

These really make me laugh, although I know I should probably take these more seriously. I wish phone numbers or email addresses were attached to visitors IP addresses. Then, I could kindly direct them to more appropriate places for help.

  1. Like this poor soul who wants to know if ice cold soda (nice try) can really burn calories. So google sends them here. (See number 12 for more on this weight-loss themed search.)
  2. And what kind of guys asks, How to hypnotize my wife. Lucky for his wife, google sent him to my post about giving your wife belly dance lessons. Now she can hypnotize him. Isn’t google just so clever?
  3. Optimism seems to be a recurring theme among my google searchers. No where is this more evident that in the brave soul who actually typed, How to make a great sleepover awesome, and soon quickly learned that there are actually 13 reasons not to host a sleepover. I do hope they made other plans, and did something simple and shorter, and took the kids to a movie instead. When I go to sleep at night, I like to think that I at least spared some fellow-human being the trauma of a good sleepover.
  4. This one has me puzzled. A person actually typed in the google search bar: skunk biological clock. This confused even google, as yes, it was a skunk, and yes, I do have a new biological clock. Any takes on what they were searching for can be left in the comments. I’m puzzled. Maybe they were breeding skunks? Thank goodness, someone did search this exact phrase: “how to get rid of skunk smell from being run over by your car.” I don’t know anything about smell that runs over by your car, but I hope they got a good laugh about the whole thing.
  5. What are the chances that someone else would actually have an “opossum sleeping in their garage too? ” I wish this person would have commented. We could have bonded… we have so much in common.
  6. Another person wants to know “how to make a person dream about someone.” Desperate measures lead her to how to make a dream come true. Later that same day, someone else typed, “I saw my dead mother.” Odd, don’t you think, that the person went to the computer with that information?
  7. I know those neti pots can really get complicated… you know, mixing the salt water, getting the water temperature just right, and then actually tilting your head parallel and holding it parallel while your pour the salt water up your nostril. But what really did go wrong when the person on the other end of the computer typed, things that can go wrong using a Neti Pot? I shudder to think of the horror the befell the pour soul.
  8. One search always amazes me, not because it’s a weird search or anything, but because this search is so popular, and so constant. No matter what month it is, or how far we are away from Christmas, a few people, mostly from Europe, pop in with this search: “Scientific proof that Santa Exists.” What’s up? Are scientists actively working on this? The answer is obvious… I’ve outlined it all here in black and white. There is no need to spend more of our precious resources on solving this question.
  9. There were the kids who flooded google with this search in December, Where does my Mom hide my presents. Here, I gave away all the answers as kids across the world began looking under their beds. At least the dust bunnies were cleared out before Christmas morning. I admit, I am a little ashamed of myself for giving away all the secrets. I thought I was trying to help.
  10. I wonder if this was the same kid who misspelled this search, “How ot kiss.” Of course, I explained it all.
  11. Who would even want “an adult Pinocchio costume?” Get a grip. Pinocchio is a kid. Try Geppetto.
  12. This hopeful searcher asks google simply, How can I burn calories without even knowing it? Could be the same guy who typed, how to cook meat bloody red. While another searcher, gets straight to the point and wants to know, is sex the best way to burn calories? Is this the same as burning calories without even knowing it?
  13. The whole search string ended when someone typed, “What do you wear under yoga pants?
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36 comments to “Funny google searches”
  1. What a coincidence! I just posted about this myself! But I’ve focused only on the astrological searches my blog has been getting lately.
    Anyhow, a few weeks ago I analysed my most common searches and the result was this:

    It’s a wonderful hobbie to have, very funny, but I agree: sometimes a bit scary!

    As for the location, I also appear in my counter as being in several parts of my country. I think you appear as being in Florida but from the snow shots I’ve seen, it doesn’t seem very logical 😉

  2. These are funny. I only get “Claudia Christian naked”. It’s funny because no one I know has every seen her movies. But I get a lot of Google activity from it! lol! Thank God she’s not doing porn anymore!

    Happy TT!

  3. Yeah, but why, when I do a GSearch, for ‘amazingly delightful and insightful writings about life’, do I end up here when I click ‘I’m feeling lucky’ ? I keep thinking I’ll end up on MY site! (g)

  4. Maybe some poor soul has a female skunk who is lamenting the fact that she has no little stinkers and wants to know how much time she has left to bag her own Pepe Le Peu. Just a thought.

  5. Yeah, being unsure what to wear with Yoga pants is pretty much the end-all.

    My favorite search that landed someone at my place was “Can I eat Pizza Hut Pizza while pregnant?”

    I still can’t figure out why not…

  6. Skunk biological clock?! I see some interesting keyword searches that direct people to my blog too. You would be surprised at the number of people looking for nude pics of Joey Heatherton, Lola Falana, and Marilyn McCoo.

  7. You realize that “I saw my dead mother” could be the name of a band or something.

    I’ve often wondered about the people who surf into my site, and sometimes worry. Things like “How to complain about my doctor” comes up more often than I would expect.

  8. haha These are great and so funny. I get a lot of searches for cockapoos and recipes I’ve posted. Was this your Thur. 13? I just started participating in this last week, very fun. :))

  9. that was truly fascinating!!. I think if I knew how to monitor all of that I would never get anything done. I have a hard enough time as it is with this blogging stuff. My favorite list thus far : )

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  12. That’s great. I love doing this too – checking my statcounter to see what kind of crazy things people were searching for when they found my site. You really get people searching for some bizarre stuff sometimes!

  13. “skunk biological clock”

    Skunk as in the type of Marijuana.

    Biological, because a plant is.

    Clock, as in a clock that controls a powerful halogen bulb that is programmed to give the Biological Skunk the required amount of daily light.

    I will now roll up, and smoke a joint. Not because i necessarily want to; but because i want to mark this momentous occasion with a mood enhancing stimulant.

    During the first few tokes i will consider what it would be like to own said items above and search for them in google cause i cant get them to work… ill probably imagine what search results will crop up…

    …then my mind will wonder onto a completely differe…

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