Dear Son, Regarding Those Bad Days

I won’t tell you what my mom used to say to me, when I would call her and tell her about the two bad things that happened to me; she would always say, bad things come in threes… So I wonder what’s next for you.

That was no help at all…

But I will tell you this: I want you to feel sorrow about what has happened. I want you to yearn for it not to have happened, and I want you to regret decisions and words you have made or said… I don’t want you to sit like Buddha, and feel unattached to what is happening to you. Because what is happening is painful, and “pain,” I’m sorry to say does work. It can do amazing work… As you mourn the loss, whether it be a job, money, a grade, a relationship, or a trophy, you will feel as if a part of you is dying… And it is dying. Because you are about to be transformed; into a person who is wiser, stronger and more resilient. You will never be the same.

Don’t pacify your pain, or try to medicate it; just sit with the sorrow, and let it transform who you are.

Maybe for now, let’s not put on a happy face, and sweep it under the rug. Let’s just let the pain do its work. There is no shame in that; it takes great courage to face the reality of what has happened, knowing you can use this pain to become something bigger than you were before.

I just wish I had an insurance policy to protect myself from all the sorrow you feel…

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