August, 2001Lake Michigan
A baby grows in my belly
A sand dune, and lots of wind.
My legs are tired – my boys are calling down to me to come up to the top
The baby is pushing up against my lungs; I just want to sit
I climb, and meet them, my husband pulls me up.
The boys are are ecstatic
We watch a pink sunset on the lake
My son blows into the horizon, believing he is blowing out the light of the sun; as if it were a candle
I grab his hand, but do not say what I’m thinking; my sadness for his upcoming first day of kindergarten
I wish the sun would stop; to save this day. To keep us here together.
God, I love this family. God, I love these boys.
September 11, 2001
In the car, driving my son to preschool, my cell phone rings. I said, “No, you’re wrong. I’ve known since 5th grade that our Pentagon is secure”
“Satellite systems circle our borders”
“We are the country of hard-working true-blooded Americans. Don’t you see our cornfields?”
My friend’s friend is missing. She was talking to her Dad; they were disconnected. I forget her floor number.
Aaron Brown, on CNN. In the background, the sky of New York is dark, yet is full of twinkling embers from the day’s tragedy. He stops talking. The only sound is Enya, Fallen Embers.
September 19, 2001
My heart aches
I pick up our photos at the store from Lake Michigan. I think of the sunset, the sand dunes, and the lake
In this picture, the sky is not yet pierced by evil
I remember that night when I wanted time to stop; We did have it all… and we didn’t even know it.
I wish I had been grateful for our freedom, that day too.
I wish I had been grateful for our safety.
I wish I had been grateful for my country.
No, I didn’t think of those things. I took those things for granted.
My children will never know the safety I once felt in this country.
What do you wish you had been grateful for?
Once, as my heart remember,
all the stars were fallen embers.
From Enya’s Fallen Embers